Tuesday is not always Tuesday

Today I did not have anything to write. So what the reason I am trying to figure out my next steps. I made it thorugh the night barely. Then today has to come and fight my creativity. I go through this everyday. I am still waiting on the big break. Maybe it's already here. I am never sure of myself. Just always doubting destiny. Then I go outside on my lunch break and feel the wind blowing. It's a beautiful day only if I could stay out here a little while longer because as soon as I come back inside, I have to deal with myself. I hate being alone. Being alone depresses me. I hate being alone in a crowd full of people. They see me but they don't see the real me. But I can't express the real me because I am afraid of what people think about me. So i will never be free until i figure that out. Today I write again to figureout the beginning. Maybe if I write one more word peace will come. I get dpressed even thinking about. It's has not happened yet. Maybe it never will and I am passed that certain age. All my friends tell me that I am good. But just being good is not enough. I will try again tomorrow